He is just sexy, he may not really deserve me since he's kinda flaky at times and stuff, but he will always be sexy to me. I know he really missed me cause he just came and sat on me, then grabbed my hands and put them on him. He was talking to me a lot and it was just sweet. I think he really likes when I hold him too. I like holding him also cause I can instantly relax knowing that he's there. See, he always looks at me LOL
When we were watching the movie and something funny would happen and he'd laugh, he'd look over at me. I guess to see if I was laughing too or whatever. He's just so cute...and his hair is coming back in...yay, I cannot wait until I can run my hand through it or pull it. LOL Oh and while we were having sex, I had my one hand on his neck kinda choking him and I think I dug my nail into his neck too. Ooops. I don't mean to hurt him, but it's so good sometimes, and maybe I kinda do want to hurt him a little bit cause I get pissed at him at times. I'm so nice. haha. I hope I don't regret it later but I'm so glad that I didn't really have to give up on Kevin. I'm so glad Kush broke up with me too. Kush would've been worse...I know it. Ugh, I don't even want to think about Kush, but don't worry, we can still be friends. Yeah, right. I could never be friends with him again. I'm glad to be with Kevin. Like Criss reminded me, he's not with anyone else...so I must mean something to him, atleast a little bit. So I kinda have him haha. I really missed him those (almost) 3 weeks.
Saw Kevin last night and it was so nice. We watched "Ghosts of girlfriends past" and before we watched it, I gave him the money and he had me shove it down his pants haha. Sex was amazing!!! OMG and twice. Holy shit man. Ooh lala. And he talked to me alot so I think he missed me. But dude, we cannot go that long again. I think I would have to kill someone if we did. Oh and he has a twitter too LOL I'm following him now.
Then I met Jenna Haze the other night;) She called me "cutie" and was so nice and sweet to me. She sat completely naked on me for a pic and I got 2 pics of her, although I was too nice and gave Kush one. I think she liked my face by her crotch as I grabbed the poster of her with my mouth LOL. Good times tho.
Ya know, I'm so glad I wake up everyday to live this shitty life that I do with all these dumbass people in it. It's not fair that I am being given this crap. Today is Kevin's bday and where the fuck is he? Who the hell knows, but not with me. It's 2 weeks and 2 days today and I called him around 9pm tonight, no answer. I am trying again at 10pm and ya know what? That money that Carlos gave me is being spent very soon here if I don't see him by Friday. This is bullshit. I'm sick of him. Maybe he all of the sudden found someone else...good luck there, cause they're never gonna be hot like me. I am tempted just to do a drive over there and see. But why? I've slept basically all day today. I've been so freaking depressed for months now and if Kevin and I are done, then seriously, why should I live? I have no real long term goals and I am just so miserable.
My dad and I are talking again. I don't know why I'm lowering myself to talk to someone who was also never there for me. He's acting like he cares and crap and I know that deep down, all he wants is my money that I will never have. I honestly just hate myself. It's so stupid and I'm tired of waking up to a life that I never wanted. It should've never turned out this way.
Find someone else...yeah, that's real easy. Maybe for you. Everyone I like lives in BFE and they'd probably be like the rest of the others anyways.Or they'd turn out like my family that I never really had either just it was always easier for them to give me up than love me. Yeah thanks to everyone who has never given a shit. You are all such winners.
Halloween was pretty good. Ended up going to the Halloween party thing, thanks to John loaning me the money. Jason was cute at the after party thing. My feet hurt so I went and sat down and watched people have fun. He was dressed as Elvis and came over saying "what is a pretty girl doing sitting by herself?" So he sat by me for awhile and we flirted. Even got pics together. He is very shy and doesn't talk much so I was very shocked that he said what he did and came by me. Criss said he may like me. YAY.
Everyone kept asking me why I was so scary too and it was really annoying. Duh, it's fucking Halloween. Jason said I was pretty tho, so hey, that counts for something LOL I mean, I did purposely have my bra hanging out:) I told Jason he was cuter than the real Elvis too. He's hot. =)
Tomorrow is Kevin's bday...and now I have money that the one guy in the Meetup gave me to give to him. So I wonder if I will hear from him or not????
John, for some reason, reminded me last night that he will never be with me. Yeah thanks.
Saw Kevin at the meetup thing, he left without saying bye. He told me last night that he'd see about getting together tonight...he left. No nothing. I called him twice all pissed...claims he forgot...then says he's not up for it tonight. I suggest his bday since it's Wed, he says "we'll see" once again.
Then John talks to me on aim and says that he doesnt think Kevin did anything wrong.
